my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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