allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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