That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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