I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
