so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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