i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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