Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
