Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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