He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
