My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just googled if crying burns calories
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Randomize
