Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
