Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize