My room smells like vodka and shame
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
