I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
