Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
