nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
