They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
