Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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