Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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