I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
