I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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