he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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