That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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