I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
