Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
