He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
