omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
