i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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