she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
