Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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