Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well most of my day revolves around power hour
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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