That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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