I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
