Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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