You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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