All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize