i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
