GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
