Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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