I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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