There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
