I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
