do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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