A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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