Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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