And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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