I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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