I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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