He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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