whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
