Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
