and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
