That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
