he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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