Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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