My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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