alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
