doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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