So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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