so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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