Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
