but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
