You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
