From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
