On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
