I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
