the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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