Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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