You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
