Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
