Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
