Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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