I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize