my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
two words: eviction party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
