is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
